It's getting rough around here

Living on the Northside has become utterly unbearable. The Stalkers are everywhere. Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon up in a tree because the squirrels were everywhere... watching me. They come to my house, sit on my eaves, and scare all the birds away. I had to resort to bringing Billy a mouse for a present which was really embarrassing after last week's run of sparrows and -the highlight- a red-headed woodpecker. (I only ate a little bit of his head feathers, too, so he still looked pretty. Billy was so pleased he threw an entire can of tuna at me. Anybody got a can opener?)

But these squirrels, man, like I was sayin, they're really starting to get to me. I can't focus. I almost got eaten by Sarge the Unwashed German Shepherd the other day because I was distracted by one of the stalker-squirrels in The Big Oak Tree. Good thing I got serious vertical... but that shit was demoralizing.

Anyway, I talked to Sparkles The Maine Coon down the road and she said that it's happening to her too. They're everywhere. They called inspections on her litter pan and wrote on the internet that she's actually a TABBY. The horror! THAT'S DEFAMATION! I'm glad to know it's not just me. But, I gotta get outta here. The stress is overwhelming. These fucking squirrels just want to ruin me because I'm awesome and all the dogs like me (except Sarge but that's just because he's maladjusted.) What do they care anyway? It's not like I'm competing for their nuts or anything. It's all so wrong. I didn't even tell on them for digging up the tulips. Bastards. Sparkles got one of their tails though. That was awesome. He doesn't come around anymore now. Serves him right.

Meow.

-Puzzle


see more Lolcats and funny pictures