Douchebag Haters in North Minneapolis

So you know, I was thinking, the other day, about the dipshit blogger/hater war we've got rolling over here in North Minneapolis.  And I asked myself: Self, why the hell would anyone want to stop progress in NOMI?

Well of course, I didn't direct this question at a specific personality, so all those fuckers in my head started screeching in unison, their annoying voices tumbling over one another, and while I tried my best to take notes, I can't be held responsible if I missed something... (fucking stupid multiple personalities - how they ANNOY ME, but ANYWAY) here's a rough collection of the answers:

P1)  They are jealous!!!  Those revitalizer kids are cool.  The haters had eggs thrown at them in junior high and they never fucking got over it - DUH - plus revitalizers have more sex.  And better skin.  And stuff.

P2)  These bastards are somehow profiting off of the dying, gagging, last-breath-dystopia of North Minneapolis, and thus they are PISSED - plus they still haven't heard back on their employment applications from Cub Foods.  (Note - If you get hired, don't steal.  Assholes.  We need a grocery store.)

P3)  They are slumlords.  Johnny Northside and his pals have ripped these idiots to shreds, cracked open their slumpires for all the internet to see, and now they want to discredit the good people of their formerly-nasty hood, where they once reigned like filthy fiefs.  But now they have to shop at So-Low.

P3)  Who cares?  How about some chocolate ice cream, bitches?  Shut UP!

P4)  Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooverty PIMPS.  Obvz.

P5)  Did somebody mention So-Low?

P6)  Shut up, P5.  I'm with P3.

P7)  You guys are all stupid.  But houses in NOMI are cheap.  And we have chickens and bikers and crazy bitches that eat their garden weeds.  Who wants to live in Kenwood?  Shit's live from New York on Saturday night around here.  And, you know, there's alway Boathead.


Yeah that was tiresome.

But anyway, it really doesn't matter, I tell all of my gaggle of selves.  Who the fuck cares?  These idiots that stalk your homes, make up lies about you, insult your families, threaten you constantly, and so on, they are doing it for ONE REASON.

And that reason is:

Revitalization is winning.

And, revitalization is good for everybody.  Poor, wealthy, American, Hmong, Somali, white, black, Vincent Ave, 6th Street, Old Highland, Camden, gay, straight, like bacon at Victory 44 or fucking VEGAN.

It's good for all of us, my brothers and sisters in NOMI-hood.

Er, except for those who are profiting off of the shameful blight.  And to those I say:  goodnight.